I love it.

I was at the Dr.s office with Paityn my granddaughter and Trina. Paityn's Dr. used to be Paul's and Alena's Dr. and now he is taking care of my grand-baby's. Anyhow, Dr. John comes in and we share hello's, the first question from him is "so how does it feel being grandma?" I just don't know that by saying the simple sentence "I love it" expresses enough how much I truly adore, love and cherish each moment I have with my grandchildren and how much I worship them. Hearing Paityn yell "grandma" when I she sees me or Ayden's little face lights up with a huge smile and he wobbles to me makes my heart leap. I get so excited and emotional when I get to see or hear about the things that they do, saying new words, taking first steps, getting a first haircut or doing a funny little dance. I truly believed that being a mom was the best thing and it is I love it, but this, this is so different a feeling that "I love it" only touches the outer edges of my emotions.

Taking a snooze

 

The two 5th grade classes at Alena's school decided that they wanted to raise money for Haiti. They decided to place a wager just to make it fun, so they bet that they losing teacher would have to eat mealworms. They started on Monday and it ended today and yeah they raised $1471.58 that will be sent to Haiti, and Alena's class won by over $20.
The teachers and staff also placed a bet against the students that they wouldn't raise more than $1,000, so those that bet against them will also have to eat mealworms.
Those little suckers are gross but they have two flavors to choose from BBQ or cheddar cheese.

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Ran away from home

Alena and I just packed up and ran away. Didn't go far or any where that we haven't been before so for some that might not be a great runaway experience. For me is was grounding and reminded me of just a few of the things that I love and and places that I miss.
I love the big open sky and tons of trees, the chance of seeing deers (yes in plural)walking across your backyard, not being able to see a neighbor right next door, and stars that flood the night sky.
It's not that I do not love the city I find it exciting and beautiful in it's own way. I love walking down a grounded city street and being surprised when you unexpectedly get a smile or a hello. When there's so much going on you just have no idea which direction to go and what to see first.
It is confusing but I would love to have the luxury of both and i'm going to try and figure out just how i'll get it.

I have decided that I have lost my goals and just simply do what I must do to survive each day. I've tried to think about what it is that I really love to do. Honestly and sadly I no longer know! Goal for this year remember what I like, love and enjoy doing. Discover me again.

2009

So I was uploading pictures from my camera and came to a sad realization and I began to ponder. I realized that 2009 was an even sadder year then 2008 for me and I want to honestly believe that I am going to make a change. In thinking about all that has happened I also want to believe that if I try just a bit harder I could have made a difference and had better outcomes.
As most of my friends know I was extremely sad to return to Kansas but I truly believed that if I stayed positive and focused it would all turn out alright and I would come to understand the reason behind the fate of my unfortunate return.
So here's my admission of guilt I have not stayed completely and totally focused all of the time. I have not stayed committed to staying positive and having a positive attitude.
Now what to do about it? Kick myself in the ass! Change my attitude! Remind myself that although I may not love it here I do love being close to my son and grandbabies that should count for something, right?
It is a new year and with that I will have new goals, new opportunities, new dreams and of course new failings to learn and grow from.
I will make time for myself I don't really know that I remember who I am any more.
Rediscover Me!